Kick off

Well, the Browns game is on (& they're winning too, crazy) so I thought kick off is fitting.

I feel like most things we do are done to reach a certain end state, a certain result. I'm sitting here reading some blogs I love, thinking, why don't I write? Besides getting lost in a book, which has gotten much harder lately, writing is my next best therapy.

I'm so lost. So, so lost. To the point where I feel like I have to rebuild from the complete, cold, lonely, rock bottom.

But not from choices I made. From a situation I had no control over no matter how hard I prayed, how good a person I tried to be.

It didn't matter.

Fate is fate. You cannot change it. Cannot alter its unfeeling, unforgiving path. While sometimes fate gives, it just as equally takes away.

And that's exactly what it did. It took my lovely mom. My best friend. My go to for every question I had, every bit of advice I needed. And now she's gone. And while I was tough for a while, the pain, the numbness, the stinging biting sorrow is settling in. And it bothers me.

I have a beautiful gift to keep me from staying in bed all day. His name is Connor William, born May 11, 2011. One month and 4 days before my mom was taken from me.

Through writing I will heal. This I am sure. But the healing process is not one to be rushed, so I will slowly empty my brain onto this page until it is empty, still, and stops taunting me every unfilled moment I have.

-d